Our children are not us – let’s accept it

Children fill us up in ways I didn’t even dream was possible. Their joy, their imagination, their love is so bright. It can lighten even the heaviest of moods. But with that pure love and energy comes challenge too. As strong as their positive emotions of love and excitement are, so are their negative emotions of frustration and anger. It can be incredibly draining because although children are little and helpless and we feel that we do everything for them. And that is how it is at the beginning, we literally have to do everything for them. They are also their own person. And with them being their own person, we can’t control them. They are not us.

Though we made our children, they are their own beings. With their own paths and visions and talents and strengths.

This can be really difficult for parents who want to set the paths for their children. I believe we are here to give our children the best environment possible where they feel safe and loved and inspired to grow and dream and become better people. We need to fill our home with positivity and love so they have they can be the best person imaginable to contribute their greatest talents and passions to the world to help others.

So often we use our children to fulfill the dreams that we have for life. But it doesn’t work that way—it is not good for us or our children. We need to see that they are their own person, with their own dreams and talents, that may be much different then our own.It is hard when your child does not see the world the same way you do. But we need to accept our children and learn from them—let them inspire us to see things differently at time.  Just as we are here to help our children grow, they too are here to help us grow into better better people.

We have to fully accept our child for who she is and just give her the tools to blossom into her beautiful individual self.

That change in perspective has been huge for me. I am a quiet person. My voice is just softer than others. It is who I am and in many ways is reflective of my more introspective, intuitive and calm nature.  So for my son to be the loudest one in the room is completely puzzling to me. How is it possible that in a room full of toddlers playing, it is my son who you can hear over all of the rest of the kids. The neighbor kids know when to come out and play because they can hear Calvin from inside their homes. And that has been a beautiful thing for Calvin. He seems to attract people to him in that way. He is loud and fun and a real leader even at his young age.

This is just one example of our children not being us. I see this just kills parents at times. For a type-a mom who loves order and routine to have a child who is naturally messy and distracted and creative can be so hard. We just need to accept them for who they are and show compassion in helping them in the best way we can. Adopting acceptance and compassion makes parenting so much simpler for me.

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