Conscious parenting, having compassion for ourselves and others, and being in this moment – EDEM ep. 28 with Sheryl Stoller

Could taking care of ourselves be the greatest gift we give our children? What does it mean “be in the moment” and how can we “be present” when we’re pulled in so many different directions?

Meet Sheryl Stoller, a mother of three grown children and certified parent coach, who draws from personal and professional experience to guide parents on their unique family journey.

She shares her story of reaching a crisis point with her family. She managed to get through by literally taking it one second at a time. That meant recognizing when concerns from the past and fears for the future were slipping in and preventing her from being in this moment.

One technique we discuss in mindfulness, which she describes as watching ourselves, accepting the up and down waves we all feel in life and parenting, catching ourselves when we get caught up in a wave, and getting back to center.

When we are aware, we can recognize the feelings that are being triggered before we run from them, react in a negative way, or resist all together.

She walks though some mindfulness, breathing, and stress-reduction techniques we can try. When we grow that muscle of mindfulness through practice, we become more self-aware and self-compassionate.

Becoming more self-compassionate helps us not just in our parenting but in all of our relationships, including that with our spouse and extended family. The people around us are only triggering feelings deep within us. Once we acknowledge that, we can choose a different response.

She shares how hard it is to be a parent and that the up and down feelings are natural. We can’t do it all and we shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help, that’s taking care of ourself.

And taking care of ourselves is the absolute greatest gift we can give our children. Then we are tuned into what our children need from us in this moment, which more than anything is feeling safe, accepted, and loved, and we all have the capacity to give that. Thank you for joining us for this wonderful conversation with Sheryl.

Interested in exploring these topics more? Join us in Sheryl’s Awakened Family Virtual Book Club starting in the New Year. See below for how to connect with Sheryl and learn more.

Listen on iTunes

Life Recipe: Practicing MAACCA™ to be in this moment. 

Start with self. We want to get rid of junk in our hearts and heads so we can see what the moment calls for us.

  1. Meet ourselves where we are. As is. In this moment. (i.e., I am exhausted, I am sad)
  2. Acknowledge Autonomy. We have our own needs, different ways of living in this world, I am a separate human being. See me as I am.
  3. Communicate – Talk to ourself kindly.
  4. Confidence – Trust in ourself. Express faith that we can get through this.
  5. Competence – Believe in the amazing experience of being human and how to get out of negativity.
  6. Available – be available to myself. Go take care of yourself. Take myself back to me, back to my essence. I am here for me.

Next, practice it with your children. Once we are in this moment, we can fully be there for our children.

  1. Meet them where they are – Be accepting of them and meet them right where they are in this moment.
  2. Acknowledge their Autonomy – They are separate, this is their thing. My body may be feeling what they are letting out, but this is them. 
  3. Communicate – Communicate energy into their confidence in figuring this out.
  4. Confidence – Trust them and believe in their ability to figure it out.
  5. Competence – Communicate how competent and capable they are.
  6. Available- Be available to them with full presence.

Quotes from Podcast

“We got to a point of crisis and knew that we had to abandon everything we thought to be true and literally take it one second at a time. What is this moment calling for right here and right now. My past didn’t matter, my fears over the future. concerns for the past. Just this moment. We managed to get through one second at a time.”

“There is a me behind the me. When I am in this moment, I can notice I am triggered right now.”

“To really see clearly, we first have to take care of ourself.”

“The term feeling actually  means sensation. The reactions are the emotions. Emotions are reactive – furious, angry, often a reaction to sadness and hurt. The feelings are underneath. It’s a lot easier to be angry then sad.”

“We don’t want our children to feel alone with their emotions. When we are present with them, we can be a calming force.”

“Taking care of you is the best gift you can give your children”

“Practice the life skills outside of the moments through play and things that they like. When you’re in the moments, you can bridge back to what you talked about.”

Resources discussed

self-compassion.org

dr.shefali.com

Awakened family book club

Bio

Sheryl Stoller is a PCI Certified Parent Coach®, Parent Coach at The Center for Identity Potential gifted/2E counseling practice, Certified SENG-Model Parent Group Facilitator – Supporting Emotional Needs of Gifted, and mother of three children affected by asynchronous development who are now flourishing young adults.

Drawing on her professional and personal experience, Sheryl specializes in coaching parents of young children with intense emotions and behaviors. Through their collaboration with Sheryl, parents develop personal customized approaches in key areas such as: de-escalating and preventing reactive anger and worry in themselves and their children; modeling and guiding their children in effective life skills; and recapturing joy and love on their parenting journey. You can reach Sheryl at Sheryl@stollerparentcoaching.com and (708) 358-8289, and through www.stollerparentcoaching.com,  FB, and LinkedIn.

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Image: https://pixabay.com

Music for podcast:

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Lindsay is wife and mama of 3 who is passionate about letting mindful being and conscious parenting be our way to connect more with our children and make everyday moments together more meaningful and joyful.